This blog is going to be my documentation about my adventures with marriage & more specifically with immigration.

First, some background. I met a woman from Ecuador on an on-line dating site. One of the things about dating women from Latin America is (besides the cultural differences) a lot of them are looking for a green card*. Not just my opinion, but I have a friend who is an Ecuadorian & someone I had previously a relationship with, & she tells me the same thing. So I had to be cautious.

 

It is usually easy to spot the green card hunters: I am 45 & would get bombarded by women in their 20s, telling me how much they will love me, etc. While there seems to be a cultural bias in Latinas in regards to relationships with older men (my friend was married to a man 15 years older than her, & now has a relationship with a man in his 60's...she is in her late 40's), the likelihood a relationship with a 20 year old is not good. Besides, I cannot have more children. Likely grounds for divorce or green card* hunters.

 

Anyway this woman is different: same age as me, already has a son, in no way wants more kids, & when I told her about my ambition to retire to Ecuador one day, sent me information on housing costs there for us, when that day comes (FYI much cheaper than the US, which is why Ecuador is an attractive retirement destination for gringos**). Many other points as well convinced me she is not after a green card, but specifically she is looking for a husband. The culture is a little different there...

 

Anyway, after 3 or 4 months of "dating" she dropped the bomb on me & used the words "te amo" with me. For those that do not know, in Spanish you have two different terms of endearment: "te quiero" can mean either "I like you," or "I love you," but not in the "I want to marry you" sense. The other it of course "te amo" which is a Big Deal, the sort of thing you say to your mother, your kids, or to your spouse & future spouse. So it was a big deal to hear those words. She wants to marry me one day. So we started talking about it & making plans.

 

Some of the difficulties with this plan. There are 3 different strategies to achieve our marital bliss:

 

1. Apply for a K-1 Visa. This is the Fiancée visa. If anyone has ever watched the program 90 Day Fiancée, this is what they are talking about. The advantages to this one are that we do not have to get married immediately; we would have 90 days in which to get married in the US (hence the name). The disadvantages are that we would need to "prove" there is an actual relationship (in the Latin community some people try for a "marriage of convenience" in order to get around the laws for immigration...my Ecuadorian friend had a Colombian working for her illegally & was considering using marriage as a way to stay in the US;  his visa was an educational visa only so he could not legally work), & it is much more expensive. To "prove" a relationship exists is that we would have to meet in person at least once in the past 2 years. Currently that is challenging (because of COVID), though there are ways to do it, I have found.

 

2. Apply for a K-3 Visa. This is a spousal visa. This is different because you have to be married FIRST before you can apply for it, & is meant to naturalize the foreign spouses. The advantages are that it is a bit cheaper & easier to apply for. The disadvantages are that it takes longer (averages 9 months right now, but sometimes it can take up to a year; the Fiancée visa averages 6 months but right now it is averaging 9 months, so no advantages to that at the moment), & you have to be married first, so you have to navigate the laws in the country you are getting married in to pull it off.

 

Right now we are looking at Option 2. It has always been my intention to marry in Ecuador. For one thing I really want the legal status in Ecuador so there are no problems when I decide to immigrate in the future. But also because her family is there; I am asking her to leave her family behind in Ecuador to live with me in the US. This is only fair to her. As a bonus, Ecuador is a beautiful country with many old & magnificent churches. The only problems are that there are a limited number of places we can actually marry (she is from a coastal resort city called Manta): Guayaquil, Cuenca & Quito (the capital). The other problem is that I would need to be a resident there for 75 days before the marriage; this is impossible for me because of my kids & because of work.

 

I should also clarify that in Ecuador there are 2 processes to getting married: you need to have a Civil Marriage before the Church wedding. This is just the legal process to indicate you are married in the eyes of the government. Later you can have the church ceremony so you are legal in the eyes of God (unlike in the US where the process is simultaneous; you just need a marriage license first, though I have never been married & may be incorrect in the details). While Guayaquil is relatively close to her (3hr drive by car down the gorgeous Pacific coast), & both Cuenca & Quito are lovely cities, it is just not practical to have the civil marriage there given the rules.

 

As an aside, these rules were put in place (so I understand) by Pres. Correa. He is a Chavista (follower of Hugo Chavez of Venezuela; the current president of Venezuela is a Chavista as well), & has just been convicted & sentenced for bribery; he is supposed to serve a term of 8 years in incarceration.

 

So option B of Plan 2 is to instead get married in the Dominican Republic. The advantages here are that it is closer (& cheaper) for me to fly down there, there are no onerous laws there for foreign nationals to marry, the quarantine is less restrictive, her sister has a lawyer friend there who can help us, & plus her sister (also married to a gringo for 10 years now, & has a kid with him) used this method & lives here in the US with her husband & kids. Neither I nor her need special visas to do this. Plus we can do this sooner rather than later. ***

 

The other component of this is that we are planning on having a church wedding in February in Manta, Ecuador. The marriage in the Dominican Republic will only be a civil marriage to establish the relationship for the visa. She is religious so a church wedding will be important for her.

 

Right now I am talking to an immigration lawyer about this process, & the documentation I will need to marry in the Dominican Republic. She is also talking to a lawyer locally in Ecuador for the same. Right now, target date is sometime in September.

 

By the way, I have not told my extended family about this yet, just my kids. This should be interesting...

 

 

* for those that don't know, especially outside the US, a Green Card is a type of identification card immigrants get when they have legal status in the US.

 

** A term Latinos use specifically for Americans. Maybe Canadians too. It is not a pejorative either.

 

*** For a bit more detail of the troubles she had: one of her daughters was not born in Ecuador, but rather in the Dominican Republic. Because of this it took 3 years to complete the documentation to bring her daughter here. I do not wish that torture on anyone.